Learn The Benefits of Divorce Mediation and How It Works

“Agree‚ for the Law is costly” — Old English Proverb

Lori A. Grover is a Divorce and Family Conflict Mediator trained and nationally certified by Lakewood College‚ a member of the National Association of Certified Mediators (NACM)‚ and a member of the Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR).

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Your Divorce Mediator’s Job

“Understanding conflict is the first step in effectively moving beyond it in order to resolve it. Most people act entirely from an emotional standpoint when faced with conflict‚ which prevents them from separating the people from the problems so they can solve them.” — Lori A. Grover‚ N.C.P.M.

A Divorce Mediator’s job is to help a divorcing couple make informed decisions and guide them toward the goal of resolving the problems that they face — for example‚ how to divide their marital assets or how to come to an agreement on coparenting responsibilities for their children — in a way that is fair and addresses both parties’ interests. To accomplish this a skilled Divorce Mediator creates an environment that fosters and encourages an open‚ constructive exchange of ideas and feelings between the couple. A trained Divorce Mediator guides the couple to a fair‚ mutually agreeable settlement by asking questions‚ identifying underlying interests and issues‚ balancing power and helping them break through emotional barriers.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce Mediation

Just Click On The Question Below

• What Happens In A Divorce Mediation Session?

  • Mediation sessions are informal and results oriented. Your Divorce Mediator will guide the conversation‚ identifying the conflicting issues using a proven problem solving process that enables you both to attack the problem‚ not each other. The Mediation Process — which typically lasts from three to five sessions — is collaborative and constructive.
    
    Mediation Sessions are structured to address issues in a given order. At times however‚ the parties will need to collect specific information or consult with an attorney or accountant for example‚ before they can come to an agreement. In these situations‚ the parties may agree to adjourn until the needed information is available‚ or they may move on to other issues needing attention.

• How Long Is A Mediation Session?

  • All Mediators have a preferred session length for scheduling purposes but will usually defer to the client and their personal and professional needs. The Divorce Resource Center’s Mediation Sessions can be as short as one hour or as long as three‚ with two hours being typical.

• Can Others Attend And Participate In The Session?

  • Mediation is an Integrative process. If both parties agree‚ other professionals such as accountants‚ financial planners‚ business appraisers‚ child psychologists or attorneys may attend a Divorce Mediation session to clarify specific settlement issues. If mutual consent exists between them‚ the parties may also bring a relative‚ friend or other associate to lend moral support rather than professional assistance. Children may also be involved under certain limited circumstances if both parents agree‚ but not in the very first session.

• Is A Mediated Settlement Legally Binding?

  • If both parties choose to make it so then it is. The Divorce Resource Center’s Divorce Mediation clients sign an Agreement to Mediate explaining the Mediation Process at the beginning. At the conclusion of Mediation‚ the parties are presented with a document known as a Memorandum of Understanding which details the agreements made during the Mediation Process. Once signed by both parties‚ the agreement becomes a legally binding contract between them. Either party may elect to have the agreement reviewed at any time by legal counsel if they desire.

• When Should We Begin Divorce Mediation?

  • Now. A Divorcing couple’s disagreements usually harden with the passage of time, a fact that is especially true once litigation begins so for this reason the best time to begin Divorce Mediation is always sooner rather than later. Unfortunately many couples turn to Mediation once the emotional and financial toll of litigation becomes too much to bear. Parties to a Divorce can begin Mediation at any time up until they sign their actual Divorce Decree which is granted by the Judge.

• What Happens If We Can’t Agree In Mediation?

  • Approximately 80–85% of couples who choose to use Divorce Mediation successfully settle and resolve their disputes. Additionally‚ even if you both are unable to resolve all your issues‚ you'll likely be able to to come to an agreement on many‚ saving a lot of money in the process. If Mediation is not productive you can always stop and use litigation to pursue a settlement without diminishing or surrendering any of your legal rights. However‚ Mediation remains your best first choice before subjecting yourselves to the emotional and financial trauma and uncertainty that comes with a litigated court fight.

• Can We Mediate Just Certain Issues In Our Divorce Settlement?

  • Yes. Divorces typically encompass many issues needing to be resolved such as: The division of marital assets and debt‚ who will retain the marital home‚ child visitation‚ holiday and vacation access arrangements‚ spousal support issues and the introduction of the children to the parties’ new partners. It is important to remember that each individual dispute you can resolve using Mediation will be one less you’ll need to resolve using the far more expensive‚ stressful and uncertain litigation process.

• Can We Use Mediation To Change An Existing Divorce Settlement?

  • Yes. Life's circumstances are always changing. Unless it is specifically prohibited by their Divorce Decree‚ the parties can renegotiate an existing agreement due to a change in circumstances whether the original was negotiated by Litigation or Mediation if they both agree to make the changes.

    One party may need to reassess spousal support due to a dramatic change in income‚ or a party might need to change their child visitation schedule due to a job and work schedule change‚ for example. These types of changes may be settled in Mediation if they both agree to the changes

• When Using A Divorce Mediator‚ Do We Still Talk To An Attorney?

  • We always recommend that the parties consult with an attorney at least once to have their respective attorneys review their proposed agreement. In most cases one consultation towards the end of Mediation is sufficient. Others feel reassured consulting periodically throughout the Divorce Mediation process. The parties might‚ for example‚ talk with an attorney before the start of Mediation to help create proposals based on realistic expectations rather than raw emotions.

    A divorcing person’s choice of attorney is actually more important than the number of times they consult with them. Many attorneys believe in the benefits that Mediation offers Divorcing couples‚ however there are those who see Divorce Mediation as a threat to their bread and butter business of representing clients in litigation. A mediation-friendly attorney should be happy to consult with you on an hourly basis between your Mediation sessions.

• What Makes A Good Attorney For Consultation And Advice?

  • We feel your consulting attorney should have specialized expertise and experience in Family Law. Ideally‚ an attorney who specializes in Family Law‚ who is Mediation friendly and is willing to answer your questions regarding your legal rights and advise you in language you can understand — not “legalese” — would be your best choice.

    Once you have both made the decision to use Mediation as opposed to litigation to negotiate your Divorce Settlement‚ avoid attorneys who seem overly aggressive or cynical. They’re likely to make your conflict worse‚ possibly derailing your best efforts to reach a settlement without expensive litigation. The Divorce Resource Center maintains a relationship with local Family Law attorneys who will consult with mediating parties‚ process and file your Mediated agreement and your divorce paperwork with the court in a friendly, non-adversarial and professional manner.

• I Don’t Want Attorneys Involved. Must We Use Attorneys?

  • In Rhode Island you can file your Petition for Divorce Pro Se‚ or without the legal representation of an attorney. There are risks involved however‚ due to the complexity of the court process which increases dramatically with the complexity of the divorcing couple’s circumstances. Paperwork mistakes or a lack of preparation can result in frustrating‚ costly delays or even a dismissal by the Judge.

    This is why we believe it wise for a couple to consult with their own independent legal counsel while mediating‚ use mediation to negotiate their settlement terms‚ then use one parties’ consulting attorney or a third attorney in some instances to file the divorce papers using their mediated agreement. Our experience has proven this to be the smoothest‚ least stressful and least expensive method for our clients who wish to avoid both the risks of entering court unrepresented (Pro Se)‚ and the emotional and financial trauma of a litigated divorce. A safe‚ middle path.

• Should Our Mediator Be A Practicing Attorney?

  • We believe your Mediator should be a Professional Mediator. Mediation is distinctly different from the adversarial process of litigating and representing one party which attorneys are trained for and practice daily. The Divorce Resource Center recommends both specialist Mediators and specialist Attorneys: specialist Mediators for their training and expertise in conflict resolution and specialist Attorneys such as Family Law Attorneys for their counsel in family law and litigation. We believe Divorce is too important a process to compromise on and your needs at this difficult time would be better served by hiring a specialist in their chosen field.

• Can Attorney–Mediators Offer Legal Advice?

  • No. An Attorney can not issue legal advice if they have a conflict of interest as it violates the legal and ethical guidelines which govern the practice of law. Clearly‚ the Mediator’s obligation of neutrality presents a conflict of interest for any Attorney–Mediator who may offer specific legal advice to either spouse once they are hired by both parties as their Divorce Mediator. All Mediators — including Attorney–Mediators are prohibited from issuing specific legal advice to either party during Mediation.

    A Mediator can‚ however‚ provide relevant legal information. Distinctly different from legal advice, which which is individualized and specifically applies the law to a particular party, legal information is generalized and publicly available. Access to legal information will help you make the best decisions for you and your family. We encourage mediating parties to seek legal advice by consulting with their own Attorneys at any point during Mediation.

• Can You Help Me Tell My Spouse About Divorce Mediation?

  • Yes. There are times when one party may feel Divorce Mediation is preferable to resolve their issues but the other may be unaware of the benefits of Mediation or unwilling to trust the process. There are a few ways you can proceed. You might visit our office to pick up and pass along one of our brochures to your spouse, or you may recommend a visit here to our web site: www.drcri.net. We could also invite them for you via postal mail, e-mail or telephone if you prefer. We believe the best results are realized when the parties come in together for a free consultation to interview your Mediator personally and have your questions answered face to face. This instills greater trust in the process and in your Mediator which is essential.

Learn The Advantages of Divorce Mediation and Why It Works

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